


Take a sad song and make it better

by triangularunicorn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Depression, Established Relationship, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Social Anxiety, Support Group
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-25 14:52:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7537099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triangularunicorn/pseuds/triangularunicorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Novak , a seventeen year old, suffers from amnesia after he woke from a coma that was caused by him trying to take his own life . He is trying to adjust and to get to know himself which is a day to day struggle. In a moral support group for mentally scarred and troubled teenagers he gets to know Dean Winchester, who seems misplaced in the troupe of helpless young people- way too cool to be suffering from anything but after the two get closer it appears that even the  people who appear the strongest can be the most troubled.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I saw flashing spots , similar to meteors rushing down . Felt something tugging on my heavy eyelids . A light emerged and I felt the heat of a thousand suns burning in my eyes , a strange sensation . I don't know what was happening,why it was happening, where I was or how I got here . A big blur .Images flashed through my head, that was trying to keep up with the slight amnesia that I was expiriencing . The images were bland , there was nothing special about them, nothing that told me anything about who I was and where I came from. Empty faced yet filled with expression and emotion. The voices became louder . A woman and two men - probably. I felt the urge to open my eyes but I couldn't, it was like there was an exterior force holding them down, there was no way , absolutely no way that I could open them . I felt something , no someone ,grabbing my hand . It was warm and soft , yet thin and worn, almost fragile . " Honey , Castiel . Can you hear me ?"I heard a soft female voice ask ,supposedly the voice of the one holding my hand . I didn't know the woman ,so it felt weird, I didn't want it there , I want her to stop holding my hand . Does she know me ? Probably, she called me Castiel and honey. Is that my name, because I am most certain that it is not honey . Honey is the salvia of bees or a nickname for loved ones or people in a relationship. Am I in a relationship, is this my girlfriend? I concentrated on the sensations around me , on the sounds , on the smells . I smelled a strong disinfectant mixed with a soft , sweet flowery smell . Lavender. My mother was always using that parfume. I heard something beeping near me . Regular. Some kind of machine. I was in a hospital, in a hospital bed . Okay. So my name is Castiel , I am male and I am lying in a hospital bed . I am 17 years old but I don't know where that information came from . There are 3 people in the room with me , probably my family. For some odd reason , it's one of the only things I can remember, that I can still feel. A doctor? A nurse ? I felt a odd sensation, someone was pinching my arm . It stung a little, but it didn't hurt that bad . Something told me that it was a needle. The urge to open my eyes nearly doubled, I felt Adrenaline pumping through my body eventhough my body felt numb and weak , like I haven't moved from this stop for quite a while now . I tried to move my arm a little, stretch it . It felt weird , it kind of tingled so I stopped . someone yelled and a chair crashed to the ground. I felt someone rush to my side while my eyes fluttered open still unable to see anything, really. It was all a blur of colors and lights , felt like my eyes were put in a blender that was set on ice crush. I blinked. Once , twice and suddenly the blurry dots faded into a clearer image , like a new camera that still needed to focus. half-moon Glasses , smooth skin , red nose . Brown eyes, slight wrinkles, brown hair speckled with grey . I connected the pictures to form a big one , like a puzzle. A man in his fifties glared down at me . " Can you see me Mr. Novak . You don't have to answer, just nod if you can !" I heard the man demanding . He had a husky voice and smelled like meatballs and coffee. I tried to nodd , it worked but the new sensation caught me off guard . The faces were still blurry and I had to adjust to the blinding light , but after a while it seemed to clear up . The woman that used to hold my hand had warm chocolaty eyes , friendly and welcoming. Wrinkles formed around them and were covered by lavender eye makeup. It was clear that she was over forty shown by the soft wrinkles slightly tan skin and honey golden locks framed her face . This was my Mother , Mel Novak . A warm and comforting sensation filled my body . There was another person in the room standing at the end of the bed . He had golden blonde hair that was slicked back to his neck and piecing hazel eyes that glared down at me in terror . Like the woman he had slightly tanned skin . Gabriel , my older brother. My vision was still hazy and I felt like I went to hell and back . But it wasn't the physical feeling that drove me crazy, it was more mental . I couldn't figure it where I came from . What has happened to me to cause this coma ? Why am I here ? My head felt like it was ripped into million pieces as the overwhelming tiredness overcame me and slowly pulled me into a deep slumber while I felt the comforting hand of my mother stroking my hand .

~  
The next time I woke , my vision appeared less hazy and more focused . My head still hurt and I felt slightly nauseous. The memory of yesterday shot through my head . So my name is Castiel Novak , I am 17 years old and grew up in a large family. There was Mom and Gabriel, my older Brother. Anna , my little sister, and Lucifer , the eldest - 25 to be exact . He was in the adverse selection of first children, a College dropout with a " I don't give a fuck attitude " and an strange obsession with Heavy metal and Satanism. I think he tried to form some sort of Band called " Angels of Death " with other unemployed, mental unstable guys but they haven't had their breakthrough yet . I remember that , after he was kicked out of his rented apartment because of ignoring all the house rules , my mum had no other choice than to let him have the attic space in our house. Of course the attic was now his space and nobody was allowed in there , and in my opinion everyone with a sane mind wouldn't want to go in there willingly. So that was the dark side of our family, but Gabriel and Anna were different. Okay Gabriel was always a sarcastic dick that acted that he was on top of the world but deep down he was a good person eventhough he appeared to look like a lollipop sucking jerk all the time but I remember he always smuggled me sweets after curfew , when I was younger eventhough I wasn't allowed to have them . Anna was a sweet teenage girl, probably a parents dream. Good grades , nice friends, playing flute and going to church every Sunday. We as you can see , our family is quite religious which explains why all my siblings and I are names after Angels , which is super cheesy. My dad's a Priest , or was . I haven't seen him in 14 years, douche bag left when Anna was one and I was two years old. So that's it with family. Beside that , I almost knew nothing, at least nothing important. Of course I remember some little specks of my life , like my favourite song and that I have had a hamster named Vader that died after a week because Lucifers bass filled music gave him a heart attack . Poor guy , I remember burying him in the garden even though I think it's illegal to bury your passed away pets on a property. As I said, not relavent facts . What really bugged me was how I ended up in this hospital with amnesia . My eyes travelled down to my left hand , where the doctor set a venous catheter . It was not the catheter that shocked my it was the thing underneath it . A thick white scar that ran all over the wrist. It was too straight, too correct to be made my an animal. And then it hit me , terrified me . I wanted to stop living. Whatever happened to me before this happened, whatever memory is blocked from my current me , caused me to do this . I wanted to die .


	2. Half a person

I stumbled out of the bed . Cold air hit my legs , refreshing but also strange . The sensation of standing was new and it felt like the old and green linoleum floor was turning. Everything was spinning , it felt like I was riding a cheap carousel, those ancient one's you'll find at a fair with these horses that stared terrified into your soul . Slowly the earth stopped spinning, once I had adjusted myself , two feet on the ground. Breath , Castiel, Deap breaths .Now I finally acknowledged my surroundings. Well it turned out I had a single room with a big window that was even equipped with a sink and a mirror. Groggily I dragged myself to the mirror , detaching myself from my infusion and accidentally setting of the alarm. Smooth move . Ignoring the peeping emergency device , I grabbed each edge of the sink to steady myself looking up in the mirror. What I saw was a weary version of myself. Messy dark hair , blue eyes now dull and purple bags underneath it . But I still looked like myself . This was me , okay , still authentically and one - hundered percent me . My eyes travelled back to the scar that was adorning my wrist when suddenly the door banged open and the familiar doctor stormed in , a few nurses rushing in after him . I let go of the sink and put my hands in front of me , trying to shield myself in effect. " Mr. Novak? " the doctor asked soothingly. I nodded , my whole body was trembling, hands still in front of me . He relaxed and winked away the nurses . I slowly put down my hands while he guided me back to the bed . " I know this might be new to you but you need to stay here for a little with me and answer some questions. " He stated placing his hand on my shoulder to calm me down ,which had exactly the opposite effect making me shrug and scoot away from him . " I know this is hard for you after all you've been through but I just want to help you! " He tried again. After all I've been through. What exactly? I pressed my eyes together trying so hard to remember but I couldn't. Everything was scribbled out. Out of this little notebook that was called life . " I- I d-d-on't kno-w-w ." I stuttered, unable to bring out a proper sentence. It was not like I was not able to think it was more like my body still wasn't fully reacting . The doctor, which name was "stanson" it was written on the metal badge he was wearing, nodded . " So Castiel can you remember anything. What happened ? Anything? " he asked me making me uncomfortable. I had to answer if I wanted to get out of here and I wanted to get out of here . Out of the hospital , home . If all THIS happened because of something that I now can't remember, it's not worth it . It's just not worth the pain. I wanna be home. Home was something I can remember. Mum , Anna , Gabe and the guitar playing freak that inhabited our attic space. Home was comfort. This was hell . So I took all my strength " I don't know why I am here. I know what I tried to do but only because I saw it . The sc-ar-r .." I stopped because my voice faltered. I took a deep breath and continued " So I don't know what happened to push me into this situation that was so hopeless that made me so desperate to do this . I can remember a lot of things, like Family. My siblings. I know that I live in a blue five story house in Wheaton , Illinois and that I am seventeen, I want to study art and history, I play piano and things like that . I partly remember high school but not a lot . I don't remember the things or people that caused me to do this and to be honest I don't want , d-don't w-want to ! " I tried to say as determined as possible. I should probably explain it differently. You see when you were born with a diary . Or a journal , if diary doesn't seem manly enough. So everything you experience you write down . The good and bad things ,the interesting and boring th- you get the just ! So ,but then your life suddenly gets so bad that you start writing and writing and because it hurts to much you want to end it . So you let go of the pen and throw the diary in a file shredder . You see ? the diary represents your life . So the shredder starts his job but because the diary is so big , it gets stuck and the shredder's now not able to finish the job . The diary is still partly intact or you can say you are still breathing. Now another person comes in and pulls the partly damaged diary out of this file shredder but now all these miserable pages are missing. They're in teeny tiny bits of paper at the bottom of the shredder bin . So you grab your diary again and want to go on writing this boring story of your life but your eyes wander to the bin , to these shredded bits . Part of you wants to fish all the pieces out and put the puzzle together because they're a missing part of your story , but another part of you knows that if these pages almost destroyed everything you should not dig them out again to live through this unbearable pain again . Doctor Stanson nodded and wrote something down in a small notebook. " So Castiel, beside the memory loss or other mental problems , how are you feeling physically ? Does anything hurt , your head for example? " he asked , staring at my as if he's trying to read me like a Stephen King novel . I shook my head quickly knowing the more cooperative I was ,the faster I would be out of here. " So Castiel Novak , I have contacted your family, they'll be here in moment , you'll be released today because you don't suffer from any physical problems,but you still have to come back in a few days for an overall health check . But it seems like you suffered and most likely still suffer from depression , social anxiety and part time memory loss and you will have to see a specialist in these fields a few days a week to discuss further steps. " He went back to a formal language. I can't really tell if I don't like him but he surely makes me uncomfortable , a stranger knowing more about you that you do . Everything after the talk with the doctor went by in a blur . My mother arrived with Anna ,because Gabriel was at work and she thought it would be better for everyone if Lucifer wouldn't show up . I quickly pulled my little sister in a hug that was gladly returned . It felt good , it felt safe . After that I hugged my mum which gripped me too tight, as if she was afraid that if I would disappear if she lessened her grip . No words were spoken and no words were needed. I was handed some of my old clothing, nothing special just a jeans , a pair of Oxfords and a blue button down . I quickly got dressed and followed the others outside to settle a few formalities with the doctors and staff . I didn't question anything, it just happened. It happened really fast and before I realised it we were out of the building, standing in front of my mothers metallic family van . It still had this ugly ,cheesy bumper sticker sticking on it back that said " Kids on boa " , it used to say " Board" but Gabriel has tried to scratch it off with a key because he thought that nobody in the family was technically a kid anymore and it was just embarrassing him because he sometimes used the car to get to work. I smiled at the memory and my hands glided over the ragged sticker . " Hey Cassy , Mum's getting takeaway for dinner tonight because of your angelic awakening so get in the car ." Anna joked . I quickly hopped in the backseat because my sister already claimed the front seat saying she was either driving or riding shotgun. I didn't mind the backseat, this way I could avoid weird side glances and awkward stares. " Honey , Anna is already calling the restaurant so they can start preparing the food now so it'll arrive when we come home and eat together with Gabe . So just say what you want . You can have anything, you hear me ? " my mum declared enthusiastically but I know deep down she was ragged and worried about my well being. I quickly decided to take the double bacon burger and a chocolate milkshake, Anna smirked and told me I could've just said "the usual " which earned her a concerned side glance of my mum . They've been told that I have part term memory loss and they're probably unsure to what extent I can recall things . Anna called and ordered. "the usual " for me , a strawberry milkshake and double-syrup - double whipped cream pancakes for Gabe , a Caesar salad for mum and Chinese noodles for herself. After fifteen minutes we arrived at the blue five story house and it appears that Gabriel was already standing in the doorframe wearing a bubbly pink apron with the logo slogan "Sugar King " and his name tag . He probably just came home from work. Eventhough I wasn't remembering a lot of things it all feeled right and normal so I decided not to question anything and just go with it . I got out of the car to greet Gabe who smiled at me " Hello Fred ? Do you still remember your old uncle Stephen ? " he joked and immediately earned a angry stern from our mother . " Gabriel? I don't understand ? You do know you're my brother! Maybe you should check if you're not the one suffering from memory loss !" I said seriously to which he responsed with a cocked eyebrow and a short " Glad you're still the same dude that doesn't understand humor " before he pulled me in a bear hug " Good to have you back baby bro ! " he chuckled and released me after a few pats on my back . We went inside, and nothing really had changed. It felt the same and it was good . It felt weird how I wasn't able to recall what has happened in a half a year but it feels like nothing had changed. I knew I was in coma for 3 weeks , that it was August and that I actually finished high school. I knew this but I couldn't remember it . Anything could have happened but it had to be an even worse scenario that I thought because nobody mentioned anything to me . Exactly the opposite, my family acted like nothing had happened and honestly it scared me. Maybe they knew something that wasn't beneficial to my recovery. My mum was about to go upstairs to drag Lucifer down to greet me but Gabriel grabbed her Arm . " I wouldn't wake up our little devil princess, if I were you . He had a bit too much booze yesterday and is so hungover that he would kill anything that enters his crib !" he said concerned . To be honest I think it's a weird coincidence that his name was Lucifer which is often referred to Satan and the devil in modern culture. Another version of the story was that Lucifer once was the most glorious archangel and was   
destined to have his throne next to God but he became too prideful and disobedient which caused him to fall . All these stories fitted perfectly for the eldest brother, he once was a smart child , gifted with many talents and goods but that was the problem. First he thought that he could stop doing his homework and revision because he was smart enough. Then he dropped out of high school because he was one hundred percent sure that his music talent will bring him places but that didn't happened and one thing led to each other and it ended with a cosidarabely criminal record. When Lucifer wasn't drunk or high or hungover he was either practicing drums and guitar or hanging around with his band " Angels of Death " . He tried to get copyright on the name but it turned out that there was an Australian band with almost exactly the same name that started 1987 . It's really funny that I could remember these things but not the last months. The evening went by quickly, the food was good but there wasn't much talking involved. There was a strange tension , like they were pressured to not say anything so I was focusing more on the greasy food , that was in fact really delicious. Soon after dinner I had to bear a round of hugs , but I wiggled my self out of this pretty quickly. It wasn't like I did not like their presence but I was truly and utterly exhausted. After I kissed my mum goodnight I went upstairs to my room . It appeared that nothing had really changed , just the fact that it was tidier than usual and smelled like fresh laundry . I decided to open one of the Windows to let in some fresh air , eventhough the room was already super chilly . I kinda did it to keep myself occupied because everything seemed off and confusing to a certain degree that was just unbearable. If Life doesn't make sense , my life was a freaking mystery house. I spotted my old Record player on a little stand that Gabe handcrafted , so I could store my LP's and decided to play my favourite the Smiths album. It was already old and worn , due to excessive use but it was my favourite. Soon melodies filled the , now ice cold ) room and it felt like nothing was wrong and nothing had changed, though everything had .


End file.
